Caroline’s Blond moment………….
In 1985 my wife and I had just moved in to our first home
together. We were both 19 years old in low paid manual jobs so our first home
was a mobile home on a caravan park. To us though it was freedom, a chance to
be together and do what we wanted without interference.
We eve joke today about the first nights of sleeping
together in a bed and still thinking a parent was going to come in and catch
us! Back then our parents were still very strict, even though we had been
together for 2 years we still weren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed at each
other’s parents’ house. Hard to imagine nowadays.
As with all new home owners we wanted to put our own stamp
on the place and so we set about decorating. Our bedroom we decided to make a
very pale green colour but we also wanted to get new carpet. In those days
there was a DIY shop called Texas homecare so off we went measurements in hand.
Sure enough we managed to pick out the carpet we wanted and
called the assistant over to sort it out. Although there was credit cards these
were generally for people who had money, shop credit was also not around at the
time nor was there debit cards. The only way we could pay was cash. So as the
shop assistant cut the carpet length out we needed and began to roll it up
Caroline looked at me and gestured for me to pay.
This came as rather a shock to me as I had specifically
given the cash to her to put into her purse for safe keeping. I therefore did
what any man would do in my position, I opened my eyes wide and nodded to her
(body language for you sort it out). To which she tilted her head to one side
gave a frown (body language for NO you were supposed to sort it out), It was at
this point the shop assistant noticed the look of horror on my face and realized
he had just cut a large section of carpet off of a roll for a pair of divs with
no money!
As cool as I could I told the shop assistant that we had
left our money at home, Caroline then decided this was a good time to start
pissing herself laughing. I was like Queen Victoria not amused. The more I was
not amused the more she laughed and the more she laughed the less amused I
became. Fair play to the shop assistant though, he never panicked or worried he
could see this was not intentional. He obviously felt sorry for me as well
having this crazy bird laughing her arse off to my red faced embarrassment.
The very next day I was back to pick up the carpet, needless
to say I went alone and I took the money from her purse (which was sat on the
mantle the whole time) with me checking my pockets every few minutes just to
make sure I still had it.
Up until 2004 I used to tell people this story as the time
when Caroline embarrassed me the most. However in 2004 this would all change.
2004 was not a good year for us as a family Caroline became
very ill with Crohns disease but we had managed to get ourselves away on
holiday to Cyprus. It was Easter time in Cyprus which was a week earlier than
it was in England. The holiday was eventful due to Caroline being hospitalized
but that is part of another story.
On our last day we did what we always do by going around
saying goodbye to all our friends that we have known in the area. To save money
a friend who owns a car rental business offered me a jeep to go back to the airport
in. He had to drop a car of the next day so it would help him at the same time.
All I had to do was park it up in the car park and lock the key under the mat
on the driver’s side. Great!
The airport is about 45 minutes away and as there was 6 of
us the cost of a cab was around 50 Euros, so quite a saving. Bearing in mind
this was the end of the holiday cash was running low and so any saving was a
saving worth making.
Our flight was early hours of the morning and so blurry eyed
we set off to the airport. We arrived in good time and I did as asked and
locked the car up putting the key under the drivers mat. I loaded up the
trollies with the cases and two Cypriot BBQs (excellent bits of kit well
recommended).
I joined the queue for the booking in desk as the dad I
always collected up the tickets and passports and took them to the desk to
answer the questions. Caroline did her normal “I’m off to the loo” routine
followed by our daughter and my future daughter in-law. I was in the queue for
quite a while but finally I made it to the desk and placed my papers on top for
the checker to go through.
There was a bit of a pause, she looked at the papers then
looked at me, then looked back at the papers again. “I am very sorry but you
are late for your flight” she said “No I can’t be we left well in time” I
replied “not early enough for yesterday!” she quipped “yesterday? Yesterday
what do you mean yesterday?” panic had started to set in at this point. “It’s a
very common mistake sir “she said trying to make me feel less of an idiot “as
it is the early hours to book in you have read the date incorrectly you should
have been here yesterday morning”.
I turned to face the queue looking for some kind of answer,
Caroline was stood there all lovely and tanned happy smile on her face. I
gestured to her to come and join me (you know the concerned nod of the head)
she looked confused and mouthed “what?” I gestured again and added a pout and
widened my eyes, she knew I was serious now.
Over she came big smile but confused “what??” “What time is
our flight?” I enquired “4 o’clock” she replied with clear certainty. “Yeah 4
o’clock YESTERDAY!!!!” I exclaimed. She
looked at the lady on the desk and then looked back at me. She then proceeded
to laugh, and laugh and laugh. The more I said its not funny the more she
laughed. She then proceeded to walk away leaving me stood the like a complete
plank.
As it was Easter the flights were
fully booked up we were not going anywhere that day. Trying to get any sense
out of Caroline in terms of what we need to do next was impossible. She was
laughing and joking with an armed solider (who to be honest looked rather
bemused).
On this holiday at this time two
of our children were still at school our eldest son was in his first job as was
his girlfriend (our future daughter in law). Of course both Caroline and I also
had jobs to return to. So top of the list this all had to be sorted as well as
how and when we would be able to get back home. But more pressing was what were
we going to do now.
We finally (amongst her hysterics
and that of the kids) decided the best thing to do was go back to the apartment
to get some sleep and deal with the issues the next day. So off we went to the car only to realize
that as instructed I had locked the keys inside! Cabs it is then so off we went
to the airport taxi rank. As it was Easter all the Cypriots were on a day off
so there they were a group of stand in Russians. Now as there was six of us
with luggage we had to take 2 taxis. Not only that but the fee for each cab was
now going to be 70 Euros each and guess who had to pay? Yep muggings here.
As these guys were stand ins they
had no idea where Kapparis was so I had to direct the driver all the way. His
English was shocking better than my Russian to be fair but still shocking. His
driving on the other hand was worse than shocking. Evil Kenival would have been
so proud. I have never been so glad to get to a destination alive than that
day.
Going out the next day was rather
odd as everyone we said goodbye to the day before had to do a double take, and
of course that then made Caroline laugh all the more. We had to sort out work
issues and schools and so on as well as booking new flights.
I managed to get some booked the
next day but the demand was high as Cypriots living in the UK were now
returning after the Easter holiday. In the end it cost me 600 Euros for the
flights as well as the 140 Euros for the taxis. We were very fortunate that the
friend with the car rentals took pity on us and offered to take us back to the
airport for free.
So we could have a chilled out day
we decided to go to a beach area we knew which was out of the way from
everything. It had been a long couple of days and we had to be up early again
the next day so chilled out was the plan.
You can always relay on kids to
bring you back to reality and whilst we were sat snoozing on the beech this is
what the kids decided to do!!
Needless to say we did have a good
laugh about it and we have lived off of this story on more than one occasion.
When Caroline went back to work they actually put banners up and filled her
work area with paper airplanes, work places can be unforgiving.
The thing that makes the whole
situation worse is that for days leading up to the holiday Caroline kept on
correcting everyone with the return date, but we had the right one and her
persistence convinced us that she knew what she was doing.
Since that holiday I have always
ensured that I check the tickets and organize everything, that trust has long
since gone. Had I got another weeks holiday out of it I might not have been
such a misog about it.
Caroline did not learn her lesson
though as she went on to nearly miss her flight out of Heathrow with her mum
because she was too busy in duty free!!!! But that’s another story, I guess
it’s just part of her overall charm and why we love her.
