Cyprus times part 2 Demetris
I first met Demetris in 1997 when he was working as the complex manager in his families holiday apartments in Kapparis in Cyprus.
I immediately liked him he was really friendly and helpful and just good fun. In the evenings he ran the pub at the front of the complex and made sure you always had enough to drink more than enough in fact!
He had managed to sell me several 2 and a half pint jugs of Keo in my first year there. In my second visit he somehow convinced me that using these 2 and half pint glasses to drink brandy sours was a brilliant idea!
Having been a big drinker in my early days I had had many hangovers. However this hangover is by far the worst I have ever encountered.
The following day after the night before I found myself curled up on the cold tiled floor of my apartment in the fetal position, groaning and groaning.
I could not stop being sick each and every time I tried to stand up or even lift my head off of the floor.
My wife was less than impressed and went to the pool with the kids. her parting shot however was "we have booked to go on the boat trip this afternoon, if you spoil that I wont forgive you"!
I did try to go to the pool but like a Gremlin as soon as the sun was visible I was in pain. In the end I did make the boat trip more out of fear than desire but I did make it.
One of the other activities that Demetris organised was a weekly football match, tourist Vs locals. On this occasion little did we know that the locals was going to be the local Police force. Not much of an issue to be fair, well not until they scored a goal. At this point out came the hand guns blasting without care into the sky!
Fuck me I said to one of the others"what will they do if we score?"
Fuck me I said to one of the others"what will they do if we score?"
Demetris had a fascination with magic, at the time in England magic was not very hip. We had Paul Daniels as the main magic on TV, this was long before the hip and trendy magic of David Blaine and Dynamo. So me and my friend Big lee (so called because he was very tall and I am very short) took the piss a fair bit about it.
During the winter season Demetris went to Holland with his girlfriend Sandy. Whilst there he had trained to become a proper magician. His idea was to do shows around the local resorts in Protaras and Ayia Napa which eventually led to a massively successful entertainment business.
I was buying an apartment at the time and both myself and big Lee had to go to Cyprus in January. Without hesitation Demetris organised an apartment for us to stay in, he also gave us the key to his apartment and said we could go there and make ourselves food and watch TV until he returned a few days after we arrived. It was during this time that Demetris practiced his tricks. We were sat in the lounge where he proceeded to perform a trick. He took a cigarette and started to smoke it making sure that it was glowing hot. He then made it disappear in his hand.
The only problem with this was that the trick was made possible by a fake thumb, Demetris is Greek Cypriot and to be fair pretty dark skinned. His fake thumb however was clearly that of a Dutch white man.
Big Lee and I fell about the floor laughing hysterically, Demetris could not see the funny side at the time which made it even funnier.
Some time later Demetris invited me and my family to see his show at a hotel in Ayia Napa. He had worked really hard and to be fair his magic show had come on leaps and bounds. It was still early days so there were a few glitches and this night did make us laugh. We were unsure exactly where this hotel was and so we rushed in late just before the show started. As we entered I sent my wife mum and kids straight to get a table whilst me and my dad bought the drinks. It was taking ages to get noticed at the bar which is unusual. It was then that my dad gave me a nudge. "what? whats up?" I said "we're in a German hotel! you gotta the Hitler youth next to ya!" (not the most PC person my dad). As I looked around it became abundantly clear that we were indeed amongst the German tourists. The man my dad referred to was huge with tattoos right up his neck I took a gulp and hoped he had not hear
We stood out like a sore thumb me in my England polo shirt and my dad calling out Oi John to the barman, but hey we got our beer and slipped off to our table.
Demetris came out to start his show all dressed up in his dickie bow and slicked back hair. As he started to perform what became clear very quickly was that the German audience and the English audience applaud differently. We were enthusiastically clapping and cheering where as the Germans preferred the slow clap approach. I have to be honest I was tickled by this. The other thing that tickled me was the fact that Demetris kept on forgetting to smile because he was concentrating so much on the trick. Eventually he would remember he was supposed to smile and broke out into a big grin. Inevitably the smile always came at the wrong time and looked really false, it was comical.
The final trick sticks in my mind the most. It required audience participation, so up to the stage came a young well dressed German man.
Demetris proceeded to talk to the guy in German with the focu being around the guys jumper. There was a little banter with Demetris implying that it was an old one. The German man replied with a stern "Nine" he seemed very proud of his knitwear. Demetris pushed on "I put a little fire in the middle"? "Nine Nine" replied the man getting more and more agitated. Of course we was wetting ourselves whilst the rest of the German audience sat in silence just observing. Demetris proceeded to start his cigarette and gathered the mans sweater into his hand. As he placed the cigarette into the middle of the jumper and the smoke started to woft from it the mans faced turned to panic! I was almost crying! But like a pro as Demetris brushed the sweater down there was of course no little fire!
The German participant was astounded in complete shock and awe of what had just happened. The rest of the audience went wild, with nobody noticing the big white thumb on the hand of the tanned Greek Cypriot magician standing before them.
It was genius!
Some time later Demetris invited me and my family to see his show at a hotel in Ayia Napa. He had worked really hard and to be fair his magic show had come on leaps and bounds. It was still early days so there were a few glitches and this night did make us laugh. We were unsure exactly where this hotel was and so we rushed in late just before the show started. As we entered I sent my wife mum and kids straight to get a table whilst me and my dad bought the drinks. It was taking ages to get noticed at the bar which is unusual. It was then that my dad gave me a nudge. "what? whats up?" I said "we're in a German hotel! you gotta the Hitler youth next to ya!" (not the most PC person my dad). As I looked around it became abundantly clear that we were indeed amongst the German tourists. The man my dad referred to was huge with tattoos right up his neck I took a gulp and hoped he had not hear
We stood out like a sore thumb me in my England polo shirt and my dad calling out Oi John to the barman, but hey we got our beer and slipped off to our table.
Demetris came out to start his show all dressed up in his dickie bow and slicked back hair. As he started to perform what became clear very quickly was that the German audience and the English audience applaud differently. We were enthusiastically clapping and cheering where as the Germans preferred the slow clap approach. I have to be honest I was tickled by this. The other thing that tickled me was the fact that Demetris kept on forgetting to smile because he was concentrating so much on the trick. Eventually he would remember he was supposed to smile and broke out into a big grin. Inevitably the smile always came at the wrong time and looked really false, it was comical.
The final trick sticks in my mind the most. It required audience participation, so up to the stage came a young well dressed German man.
Demetris proceeded to talk to the guy in German with the focu being around the guys jumper. There was a little banter with Demetris implying that it was an old one. The German man replied with a stern "Nine" he seemed very proud of his knitwear. Demetris pushed on "I put a little fire in the middle"? "Nine Nine" replied the man getting more and more agitated. Of course we was wetting ourselves whilst the rest of the German audience sat in silence just observing. Demetris proceeded to start his cigarette and gathered the mans sweater into his hand. As he placed the cigarette into the middle of the jumper and the smoke started to woft from it the mans faced turned to panic! I was almost crying! But like a pro as Demetris brushed the sweater down there was of course no little fire!
The German participant was astounded in complete shock and awe of what had just happened. The rest of the audience went wild, with nobody noticing the big white thumb on the hand of the tanned Greek Cypriot magician standing before them.
It was genius!
One night I was in bed when my phone rang "you hungry?" was the words on the end of the phone. "hungry? are you taking the piss i'm in bed its 1:30 in the morning!""Get up we are going to eat i'm outside?" At this point my wife turned over and said " is that Demetris? you better go he wont give up".
So up I get threw on some shorts and a tee shirt and sure enough there he was at the front door in his Pajero jeep.
Sat in the front looking like he had just been dragged out of bed as well was big Lee, and on the back seat was Manc Mark (so called because he supported Manchester United although he lived closer to Liverpool).
"alright Boys lets go eat" Demetris said without any concern that he had dragged 3 holiday makers out of bed in the middle of the night.
Kapparis is right on the coast and at the time was a under developed little village. It is part of a bigger town called Paralimni, this was where most of the locals actually lived away from the holiday resorts.
I did not know this area very well at the time and being dark and late at night I had no idea where we were going. The side roads around Paralimni are very narrow and winding and it was one of these roads that we eventually stopped.
like little lost sheep we exited the car and followed Demetris in to a dark and dingy looking little bar. What struck me immediately was that the place was full of men! Loads of men considering the hour but a distinct lack of women.
Where the fuck has he brought us I thought, I kept my head down trying to avoid making eye contact with all these local blokes. We made our way to a tablea high one with bar stools and sat down. At this point I felt confident enough to look around and gauge my surroundings. There were women in the bar young women wearing very tight clothing. Its a fucking brothel I thought, the mrs is gonna kill me. I looked to Big Lee and whispered is this a brothel? "fucked if I know" he replied as we sat there the women behind the bar kept ringing a bell and the girls all started to cheer.
"Demetris what's going on here? what is this place?" please don't say a brothel I was praying. "Re (meaning mate) its just a bar we going to have some food what do you want?" "whats with the bell why all the men?" Demetris went on to explain that Cypriot men go out late after the tourists go to bed but not with women. The women in the bar are actually Bulgarians they don't get paid they work for tips or a paid drinks the more drinks bought the more the girl earns. When the bell rings the girls are getting tips! PHEW
Finally the waitress came and took the order cheese toastie for me, Demetris ordered Ambelopoulia, big Lee said "I will have the same as you Demetris" "Really your going to have the same? are you sure?"
Not having any idea what Demetris had ordered when it came we was shocked. Ambelopoulia is actually little birds like songbirds either pickled or boiled which are basically eaten whole. Demetris loved it, it is actually a delicacy in Cyprus. Big Lee not wanting to be out done but clearly uncomfortable with his meal pushed on regardless and ate his portion. I stuck with my cheese toastie best decision in my view.
This was not the only time Demetris would drag us out in the middle of the night for a meal. There was another occasion when he dragged big Lee myself and a guy called Steve out to a local taverna.
It was a very quite night in this taverna there was only a couple of other people there. The waitress was aware of who Demetris was and seemed keen to serve us. Demetris ordered (fortunately this time not little birds). 4 of the biggest steaks I have ever seen were presented to us. a huge bowl of chips and another of salad. On top of this were were given bottles of beer and a bottle of vodka. Following this we were given a selection of cakes for dessert.
Having filled our faces and drank a large amount of beer and vodka, Demetris got on the phone.
"hey re I'm in your restaurant, I'm with friends we are eating and drinking but re, we not gonna pay" down went the phone.
What the fuck!
Not only that but as we left, beside the front door stood two concrete lions one each side, He opened the boot of his jeep and we loaded them in. Off we went with Demetris laughing his head off and the rest of us unsure of what we had got ourselves into.
Demetris is quite a character a really nice person and a good friend. His entertainment business I am pleased to say was a massive success. He and Sandy had a fabulous wedding and now have two beautiful children.
Demetris has remained a good friend to me and my family over the years, when my son got married in Cyprus he arranged wedding cars and cypriot dancers for him. As a wedding gift he also provided a blues brothers show and disco.
I AM VERY HAPPY TO CALL HIM OUR FRIEND.
